


(unfold me) i am small

by theheartfalls



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Just... Incredibly angsty porn, M/M, that's all there is to it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-12
Updated: 2012-12-12
Packaged: 2017-11-20 23:26:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/590873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theheartfalls/pseuds/theheartfalls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn’s an art student, and he sees. He sees in lines and pattern and shapes. He sees movement and beauty. He sees Liam, and he thinks Liam sees him. For one night, he thinks he’s finally observed, rather than observing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(unfold me) i am small

Zayn Malik was fascinated by every inch of Liam Payne. 

Watching him as he moved, his body under his control, his words flowing freely even though Zayn wasn’t hearing a word of what he was saying. His preoccupation with Liam’s body was distracting him from what was really important here; Science.

Or maybe they had moved onto History.

It didn’t really matter, because Zayn wasn’t retaining any of the knowledge Liam was trying so desperately to drill into his brain. Exams were coming and Zayn was failing, but he couldn’t bring himself to care as he watched Liam’s lips purse slightly before he sucked the bottom one between his teeth, eyes skimming the notes he held in front of himself. There was a deep contemplation in his eyes that had Zayn itching to grab his sketchbook, wanting to capture this somehow. 

“Zayn!” 

He eyes shot up from where Liam was writing in the margins of his textbook, away from where he was holding his pen so delicately, yet firmly all at once, to Liam’s face instead. 

“Are you even paying attention to me anymore?” 

There was irritation in his tone, but the fondness in his eyes made it less harsh and therefore less severe as he looked at his friend. “You realize if you don’t start caring, you’re going to fail, and then how are you going to get into a prestigious art school and show your father how wrong he is?” 

Zayn faked an appalled look, though it only made Liam laugh at him. “You know how to hit me right where it hurts, you know that?” he retorted, snatching Liam’s notebook and shutting it. “Everything’s blurring together.” he confessed, even as Liam tried to wrestle the papers away from him. 

There was a huff of annoyance, but no argument to that and Zayn knew they were -blessedly- done for the day. He smiled a little at the simple victory, but then Liam was standing up and stretching and his shirt was riding up slightly, slowing off a tan, smooth span of skin around his waist and the small trail of dark hair leading down below the waist of his jeans…

And Zayn was officially distracted again. 

“What are you doing tonight?” he asked casually, having to clear his throat because it suddenly felt like it was made of sandpaper. He stood as well, eyes focused on his bag and collecting his things.

“Probably just gonna have a night in. A movie or something. Just relax.” Liam said with a casual shrug. “Danielle is with her family for the weekend, so I’m turning into one of those weepy, pathetic boyfriends that can’t function alone.” he added, smirking a little and Zayn felt sick now.

Danielle. 

Otherwise known as, the bane of existence. The one thing in the world that was keeping him from making a move. The very person that made his life a daily struggle between human decency and saying ‘fuck it’ and laying Liam out on one of the stupid library tables every single day. 

“You’re a true wild child, Li.” he teased in return, shocked by the extent of his own acting skills. He was getting incredibly good at covering up his own jealous streaks. In fact, it was hardly recognizable at all these days, whereas he used to just freeze up and shut down. 

Liam’s laugh echoed in his ear as a toned arm wrapped around his shoulders. “You understand me, Zayn.” Liam teased, bumping Zayn’s temple with his forehead in some semblance of a loving gesture that only Liam seemed to understand. 

Zayn was up for multiple repeat performances if it meant Liam never stopped touching him or laughing so softly in his ear or ghosting soft breath across his neck. 

“Hey!” he said suddenly, arm slipping away, leaving Zayn cold when he hadn’t been previously. “Why don’t you come over? Keep me company in my hermit-hood?” he suggested, as if it were the most casual thing in the world. 

It left Zayn feeling sick with nerves. He was pretty sure his palms were sweating. In fact, he was positive they were. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt such a stomach-twisting sensation. 

Zayn did not get nervous. Ever.

Then Liam was smiling, the corners of his mouth tugging up, teeth flashing a little, deep eyes wide and earnest, as if all his hopes and dreams were pinned to Zayn’s agreement to his idea. As if Zayn’s approval of the night’s plans would make his entire world brighter.

Maybe that was wishful thinking. 

Zayn found himself nodding anyway. “Sure, sure.” he agreed, going for casual instead of splutter-y and ridiculous. “I’ll bring popcorn.” he added as an afterthought, mustering a smile, hoping it looked real enough. 

And as Liam turned to walk away, a cheesy grin on his face, Zayn started to wonder how he was going to do this. In public it was one thing to pretend he wasn’t utterly lost to this boy, but alone? In Liam’s house? 

Too bad he was, in fact, completely enamored because there was no way he was going to do anything to wipe that near ecstatic look of Liam’s face now.

~~

A few hours later found Zayn standing in the doorway of Liam’s apartment, two bags of uncooked popcorn in one hand as he watched Liam fumble around. Dirty clothes were tossed haphazardly into a bin in a closet before that was slammed shut and Liam reappeared, looking a little frazzled. 

“You’re early.” he accused, looking down at his watch. He didn’t seem particularly bothered, though his eyes continued to sweep the room for things that might be out of place. 

Zayn couldn’t help but smile as he watched, holding out the popcorn for Liam’s waiting hands. “Technically you didn’t give me a specific time.” he reminded him casually, eyes roaming his new surroundings for a moment.

Liam took the bags, seeming to be at a loss after that, instead heading into his kitchen. “C’mon, there’s beer in the fridge if you want it.” he called over his shoulder, and Zayn followed a little stiffly. 

A war instantly started in Zayn’s head, sobriety and a sound mind and body fighting against the relaxation he knew the alcohol could bring. Right now, he was strung so tight that he felt like the slightest touch would cause him to snap shut tight. He had seconds maybe, before his hesitation turned into something awkward, and he repressed a sigh as he shook his head. “Nah, thanks.” he mumbled out, refusing to even look at the fridge. 

If he was going to be around Liam alone, he needed full control of all his facilities. The very thought of being too relaxed set off warning bells in his head. He struggled to control himself around the boy enough. God only knows what would happen lest he finally give in. 

Liam just shrugged, ripping open one of the bags of popcorn and setting it up in the microwave before turning to look at Zayn again. “I got choices!” he exclaimed happily, and it took Zayn a second to realize he meant movies. 

“Do tell.” he replied, smirking a little at Liam’s enthusiasm. It had always amazed him, the way Liam could get so worked up and overzealous about the simplest of matters. 

“Alright, I know you like superheroes, so I figured…” 

And so began a long-winded analysis of Liam’s superhero movie collect, followed by his horror movie collect, and then into other genres. The options were endless, but just like in the tutoring sessions, Zayn tuned out nearly halfway through. Instead, he just enjoyed the light in Liam’s eyes as he discussed why he preferred Dark Knight to any of the Superman movies, or how they could certainly watch The Strangers, but it was possible Liam would be watching through his fingers the majority of the time. 

After a while, Zayn finally just laughed. “Why don’t we start with Dark Knight and see how we feel after that?” he suggested, because Liam was going to ramble them into the wee hours of the night and Zayn was going to let him if they didn’t get a movie started soon. 

Pink tinged Liam’s cheeks and Zayn had to bite his tongue to keep his words to himself. 

“I’ll finish up the popcorn and be right in there, then.” he agreed with a nod, turning around immediately to get the popcorn bag out.

Zayn hesitated, not sure if he had hurt Liam’s feelings by interrupting like that, before just heading into the living room and making himself at home on one of the couches. As always, he figured he was probably just looking into Liam’s behavior too much. It really was his worst habit. 

When Liam came back in, he didn’t even look at Zayn as he put in the DVD and started up the television. He sat himself beside Zayn on the couch, holding the bowl out to him as the credits started up, but he kept quiet.

…and it was so unlike Liam that Zayn wondered if maybe he had been wrong. He took a handful of kernels from the bowl, watching some advert for some teen angst film. “So, tell me what I’m getting myself into here.” he requested quietly, figuring it was as good a lead in as any. 

He saw Liam’s head turn in his direction from the corner of his eye and he returned the look, eyebrow cocked in a questioning, if not slightly challenging, way. “I’m not a huge Batman fan. Spiderman’s my passion.” he informed Liam, hoping to spark some kind of conversation. Any conversation, at this point.

The outrage on Liam’s face was enough to make him chuckle slightly. “Spiderman over Batman?” he asked, the indignation lacing his tone flawlessly. “Alright, that’s it. Get out.” Liam teased, pointing toward the door.

Zayn laughed, tossing one of the popped kernels at Liam’s face as he shook his head. “Not likely. Why don’t you just enlighten me, oh great and all-knowing tutor?” 

Liam rolled his eyes before seeming to take the request seriously and launching into a list of reasons as to why Bruce Wayne would always be better than Peter Parker, as if he had been preparing for this opportunity his entire life.

And still, Zayn found himself wish he could capture Liam’s passion on paper. Or maybe just the warmth that seeped through him when Liam really believed in what he was saying. 

Feelings like this deserved to be preserved.

~~

It was only after they finished the first film and Zayn had agreed, “Sure, I’ve got no plans,” that Liam popped in a second film and got up to go refill their bowl. 

“Go ahead and start it,” he called from the kitchen when the main menu popped up. Zayn did just that, watching the opening title in silence as eerie music filled the room. 

The Strangers. Perfect. Maybe, just maybe, Liam would be so scared that he’d need a good cuddling. 

There was silence, other than the actors on screen, when a bowl obscured Zayn’s vision. And then the popcorn was in his lap and Liam was leaning over his shoulder. “Like I said… This one makes me a bit jumpy.” 

His lips were right beside Zayn’s ear, so close he could feel them. Literally feel them. The soft, warm skin that he imagined so many times, brushing across his skin as Liam spoke the words in a whisper, right against his ear. 

Zayn couldn’t move. He couldn’t turn his head to look at Liam, even as he released the bowl and let his hands trail up Zayn’s stomach, over his chest, before squeezing his shoulders gently. “Usually I only watch it with Danielle… She keeps my mind off of it.” he said, kneading softly at the tense muscles all across the back of Zayn’s neck.

He hadn’t realized how straight he’d been sitting, how tense he had felt. He hadn’t imagined how good these hands would feel on him. Not like this. He had pictured them a million times, could trace their curves and knew their lines better than his own, but for them to touch him, to be on him in a such a simple, yet intimate, way? It wasn’t something that had crossed his mind. 

“Could you distract me, Zayn?” Liam asked finally, pulling back a little as he asked. Maybe it was Zayn’s imagination, but he heard a flicker of nerves in Liam’s voice as he posed the question that had him turning around to look at his friend.

His friend.

Who was now asking him for something that clearly breached all the barriers friendship usually provided. 

“What are you saying, Liam?” he asked finally, voice rough as he tried to think through the fog that was sweeping over his mind. He pulled away from Liam’s touch, standing up to put the couch between them, because he needed barriers. 

So many barriers.

Liam was ringing his hands now, what little confidence he had mustered fading slowly. “Don’t act like I’m wrong here, Zayn.” he requested, voice pleading more than demanding. “I see it. When you look at me…” 

Sometime twinged in Zayn’s chest at the accusation and he kept his mouth shut tight, because this wasn’t the way to get a love confession out of him, by any means.

“You’re not the only one.” 

The words were a whisper, barely carrying to Zayn’s ears. If it hadn’t been quiet enough to hear his heart thudding in his chest, Zayn probably would have missed them altogether. As it was, he was half expecting his brain to catch up with reality and twist the phrase into something more realistic. 

Instead, Liam was still just standing there, knuckles white as he clasped his hands together over and over again, eyes searching for some sign of understanding or agreement, lip tucked tight between teeth that seemed to be biting too hard…

And Zayn was around the couch before he could think, hands grasping Liam’s waist tightly in an effort to pull them together as quickly as possible. For the first time, he let himself feel something other than his own emotions.

Sharp hipbones that he pressed his palms into as he back Liam into the nearest wall, pinning their bodies together as he stared his friend down. He was breathing hard, because this couldn’t be real, couldn’t be happening, but it was.

“Don’t toy with me, Li.” he half-begged, positive he wouldn’t recover if Liam turned out to be joking. Not that this was Liam’s kind of joke. The boy didn’t have a cruel bone in his body. 

“Kiss me,” came a simple, breathless reply, and Zayn was helpless. His lips pressed to Liam’s immediately, not fighting for dominance, but feeling. Simply rejoicing n finally knowing all the things he had always wondered.

And God, yes, they were just as soft as he had always imagined. There was a lingering butter flavor from the popcorn and Zayn wanted to taste more, wanted to know what Liam tasted like all over, wanted to know if all the curves felt as beautiful as they looked…

He didn’t have to wait, because Liam’s hands began to roam before his could. First over his shirt, trailing over his stomach and chest, then down his sides and underneath the hem of his shirt. From there, they traveled up his back, and Zayn felt. 

It was different from all the things he had wanted, different from the feeling he had expected this moment to bring. He felt Liam, but in a different way then Liam felt him, and it felt strange and beautiful, because for the first time, he wasn’t reaching out. He wasn’t imagining. He was being explored, rather than left to simple explore.

“Bedroom.” he requested quietly, knowing this was only headed one way. Liam just nodded and Zayn pulling away from him enough that Liam could lead him away from the living room, away from the movies and popcorn, and back into the depths of the apartment. 

No lights were turned on, no words were exchanged. As soon as the door clicked shut, Zayn found Liam’s hand and gripped it tight. Pulling him toward the bed, which he could barely see in the dark, he tugged him up onto the mattress next to him. 

“Lie down.” he said quietly, and Liam complied willingly. 

He started with his shirt, undoing the buttons quickly, because there wasn’t any foreplay for him in this moment. He was going to touch and taste as he pleased, figuring that would be more than enough for Liam by the time he was done. Once the shirt was open, he spread it away from Liam’s chest, letting his fingers travel across the tan skin first. It was hard to see, but his mind’s eye already knew and he used that as a guide as he traced muscles and scars, before dropping his head to pepper kisses across Liam’s stomach. 

A soft whimper went off above his head and he smiled against the warm skin, still kissing and tracing with his tongue now as he let his hands fall lower, undoing Liam’s belt and the button on the front of his trousers. There were no protests as he sat back, sliding the material down Liam’s legs and off his body easily enough. 

Liam sat up on his own, discarding his shirt completely so he was lying there only in his pants, looking up at Liam. Even in the dim light, Zayn could see the calm swirling in his eyes. He could hear it in the even pace of Liam’s breathing.

As if on cue, Liam spoke up. “I trust you.”

That was all it took to get Zayn to peel his own t-shirt off over his head, tossing it somewhere on the floor, forgotten immediately as he undid his belt and jeans as well. He stripped bare before returning to Liam, slotting their bodies together, his on top, holding himself up with one arm while he touched Liam’s face with a soft, shaky hand.

“You’ve never done this.” he mused quietly, not asking, but simply knowing. Liam had been with Danielle, he knew. There had probably been girls before that as well. Zayn wasn’t an idiot, but he knew this was Liam’s first time with someone of the opposite sex. That much was obvious.

Liam nodded, looking up at him with wide eyes. Like he thought Zayn was going to disappear. Zayn kissed him again, kissed the worry right from his mind, let his tongue wander the corners of Liam’s mouth as he spread Liam’s legs with his own. When he had a wider opening, he slid himself down Liam’s body, mouth and tongue creating trails across his chest and stomach as he went. 

Liam watched him with fascinated eyes as he peeled back his boxers. He didn’t go much farther than freeing his cock from the confines of the fabric, and Liam instantly wanted to close in on himself. He wasn’t used to feel this exposed, the raw, this open with someone else. Zayn’s eyes were all over him and he felt naked. Truly naked. Not just in the literal sense, but in every sense. 

He was exposed.

And to Zayn, he was absolutely beautiful. It was every expectation, ever fantasy he had ever had, doubled and tripled, amplifying all of his senses. 

He didn’t wait, didn’t warn, as he let his mouth envelope the head of Liam’s cock. There was a muffled groan from Liam at the action, but that only spurned him on, wanting to hear more of those noises as he took in more of him, inch by inch. 

Once he was as far down as he could manage without gagging, he pulled back slowly, letting his tongue work in a way he was familiar with on the way back up. This set up a slow pace, his hand making up for what his mouth lacked. He hallowed out his cheeks, relaxing his throat to accommodate for a few extra inches, pulling out all the stops…

Anything, as long as Liam kept moaning and writhing beneath him like that. The sounds he was making weren’t decent, loud and gravely, like he was doing his best to keep silent, but simply couldn’t. 

Like he was losing control. 

Zayn had always wanted to feel him, to taste and touch and know his every inch, but he hadn’t realized the things that lacked and how much more he was getting now in hindsight. 

He picked up the pace, his jaw starting to ache from the effort, but mostly because he wanted to know what Liam sounded like, what he felt like, when he reached orgasm. He wanted to be the reason for it. 

He pulled back fully, hand still working at a quick pace. “Come on, Li,” he encouraged softly. “Let me taste you.” 

A few dirty words seemed to do the trick, because the minute his mouth enclosed his head again, Liam cried out and Zayn was pretty sure there was no sweeter victory then hearing Liam Payne gasp out your name. 

He didn’t stop until Liam was spent, panting above him and almost whimpering. After that he finally pulled back, righting Liam’s boxers and sitting back to look at him.

It was if his bones had melted, his entire body lax and broken on the mattress. His head lolled to the side, even as he looked at Liam, and a small smile played on the corners of his lips. “That was… unexpected.” he sighed out between deep breaths. 

Zayn couldn’t help but smirk. “What? You thought I wasn’t going to be good at that?” he retorted, trying to act at least a little offended by his own false accusation.

Liam smiled, shaking his head and opening his arm as Zayn slid up the mattress to lie beside him. “Actually, I meant my reaction.” he confessed, looking away from Zayn now. 

This made Zayn chuckle and he started kissing Liam’s neck slowly, lingering over his collarbone for far longer than necessary. “Don’t worry. It was perfect.”

You’re perfect.

He didn’t say it. Maybe he should have. 

~~

The next morning, sunlight filtered through the curtains and over Zayn’s face, making him irritable from the start. He lay completely still, the smell of Liam on the sheets surrounding him and the memories of the previous night rolling through his mind like some sort of internal movie, replaying again and again of their own free will. 

He didn’t want to open his eyes or embrace a new day, preferring the luxury and beauty of his own thoughts instead. However, he knew Liam was somewhere outside this bed and this room and he could only imagine other thoughts he could start to make instead. 

But when he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the folded paper on the pillow beside his head. His name was written in Liam’s neat cursive and his gut twisted in anxiety. He knew nothing of the content, but something like premonition left him feeling sick.

His fingers shook as he lifted the paper, unfolding it slowly and letting his eyes scan the sloppily written words. 

_Danielle came back early. I’m sorry._

He knew. He didn’t have to be told. He wouldn’t ask.

 

He’d find a new tutor. A new friend.


End file.
